We’ve been taught through media, movies and the stories we’ve heard our whole lives that ‘the one’ will come and that all we need to do is be ready to receive love.
Everyone has their ‘one’ and that’s what is so wrong about it because no relationship advice should sound like ‘just be patient, the one will come’.
What? Does he really fly right out of the sky to be your one and only true love? I’d like to tell you that you’ve probably met someone who was a potential life partner for you.
You must be thinking that I’m going out of my mind, but it’s the truth.
When we look for the right guy, we think that that position could only be taken by one person in particular, but the truth is that there a lot of guys out there to whom you’re attracted and have the right behavior that you’d like to see in your husband to be.
There is this story that fucks with our minds about how we will meet someone:we will bump into him one day and the time will stop. We think that we will instantly be overwhelmed with feelings.
It’ll be like we’re the only two people in the entire world. But that’s so wrong. Relationships take a lot of work, commitment and trust.
Because of that, we’re giving you 7 things that you need to know before finding your right guy:
1. The puppy love stage can’t last forever
At the beginning of the relationship, you will be overwhelmed with amazing feelings of joy and happiness, like there nothing that can break you two apart.
But how many times have you experienced this? You meet him and everything goes awesome, but further into the relationship, he starts being an asshole and there is nothing else you can do but break the whole thing up.
The puppy love stage is the shallow kind of love for the first few months when everything is going great, but you must be aware that hard times will come your way and you two need to find ways to get through them.
2. A fight doesn’t equal a break up
So, this one I’ve learned the hard way. I would get into a fight with my boyfriend and in an instant, I would break up the relationship because I thought that there was nothing I could do.
I thought that I would never fight with my true love and I’ve been suffering because of that—a lot. I am not telling you that insulting your partner or screaming and yelling is OK.
But arguments that happen along the way aren’t worthy of throwing in the towel.
3. Recognize the ‘unhealthy’ connection
Meaning passion and lust. Lust isn’t something that creates a lasting and loving relationship. It’s just an explosion of chemistry between you two.
That doesn’t bring long-term happiness. Healthy relationships aren’t built on that but rather on communication and deep connection.
A healthy relationship also has passionate sex, but it goes together with a emotional and mental connection.
4. Deep conversations are crucial
This goes together with the past point. I’m not telling you that you need to discuss the origin of the Universe but talking about your emotions and thoughts is very important.
To open up to your partner is the most important thing here (even more important than sex). Talking about your future together is like creating a path that leads you two to a successful and healthy relationship.
I mean, if he doesn’t want kids and you do and there is quite a chance that none of you want to change your mind, so why would you want to spend your energy on that. But how would you know if you didn’t talk it through?
5. Don’t expect him to heal you
If you’ve been through a lot in your past relationships, if you’ve been unappreciated by your parents, there is a chance that you are now trying to make it all better by putting all your broken pieces into someone else’s hands and expecting them to rebuild you.
That’s not really effective and it can cause you too much pain if your expectations aren’t met. Rather, put in some time and effort to fix your own self before you start a new relationship.
Only you know how to glue your pieces back together.
6. Healthy relationships are built over time
Unlike the unhealthy kind of relationship, the healthy one starts slowly, with mutual interests and attraction rather than lust and an explosion of emotions.
Healthy relationships take time to build. Try to take it slowly and use your head. I know it may be hard, but try to use your head before your heart, at least at the beginning.
Your mind doesn’t operate according to reason and rationality. So, try to understand your thought process that goes with the relationship and take your time.
7. Watch for the qualities that make him a keeper
Women come to me complaining about how they’re treated in a relationship, about how the man isn’t the right one for them or how they simply don’t feel loved anymore.
That’s why we go for someone who clearly isn’t hubby, or even relationship, material. We tend to overlook the red flags and fall head over heels for him when we know that he’s not right for us.
That why there are a few little signs and qualities of a keeper:
He doesn’t make you feel bad about yourself.
He embraces your imperfections, loving them just the way you should love them. He accepts you completely and he knows that you are worthy of love no matter your flaws.
He’s always there for you.
Even if he has something to do, if you need him, he’ll be there for you. If you are sick or you can’t do something on your own, he will be the one who will give you a helping hand and you don’t need to worry that he’ll let you down.
He asks for your opinion.
He wants to involve you in everything he does, including decision-making. He asks for your opinion about certain topics and he appreciates your input.
He introduces you to his friends and family.
He isn’t afraid to show you off because he’s so proud to have you in his life.
He has similar beliefs and values.
This one is often overlooked, but to have a partner of similar interests and values is crucial. If you are not fundamentally compatible, you will face a lot of hurdles on your way.
If you aren’t on the same page, there are times where he won’t respect where you stand and that causes a lot of problems. So look for someone with the same values and beliefs as yours.
He wants to make you happy.
Your happiness is his priority and that is a true sign of unconditional love.
He sees you as his best friend.
There is nothing more important than this one. You need to laugh and be happy together to actually know each other. Friendship is the important thing here and you need it in your relationship to make it through the rough times.
He wants the same level and type of commitment you want.
If you want a monogamous relationship and he wants the same, you’re on the same page and the relationship can go on.
But if he wants an open-sex relationship when you want to be loyal, there is nothing you can actually do to make it work.
HE WANTS TO MAKE IT WORK.
You’re both committed to making it work and showing each other that you are in love and that there is nothing that can break you.
I hope that I’ve been helpful. In the end, the most important thing here is to know how to choose properly.
Knowing whom to choose as your partner is very important and you need to commit to your choice fully—that’s why it’s important to know what you’re looking for.
Have the right kind of mindset and work on achieving everything you want in a relationship. Because that’s what you deserve. You deserve the best and you deserve to be treated with all the respect that someone can give you.
The more you understand yourself, the more silence there is, the healthier you are. —Maxime Lagacé